Dear visitor -- I currently have space for one new psychotherapy client specifically interested in an IFS approach or mixed IFS/somatic experiencing approach. I offer several non-therapy experiences, including life coaching, writing facilitation (in person and on Zoom), and Tai Chi. For information about these offerings or to be placed on my mailing list for announcements about future group writing experiences, please contact me at 503-927-5714 or via e-mail at: Beautifulwordstogether@gmail.com.

Work with Trauma, Transition and Transformation

3835 S Kelly Avenue, Suite 290
Portland, OR 97239
503-927-5714

Welcome To This Blog!

Thank you for visiting this blog. I'm a licensed psychologist working in Portland, Oregon. My passion is to assist clients in moving towards a life based on what they hold most meaningful. I also offer life coaching, Tai Chi instruction, and writing facilitation. Please see the right side of this page for additional information about these.

My doctoral training in psychology is complemented by a background in dance/movement and different types of bodywork. This mixture of experiences leads to particular interests and strengths in mind-body approaches to mental, physical, and spiritual health.

Prior to embarking on development of a private practice, I trained and worked within the VA system for about seven years. I have felt honored to be admitted into the experiences and inner worlds of many veterans (from WW II through OIF/OEF) struggling so valiantly to make sense of wartime experiences as well as their return to a home and a life that is no longer the same because they themselves have irrevocably changed. I continue to work with veterans in the realm of supporting their creative writing.

I've also trained and worked in several university and community hospitals, where I gained valued experience in accompanying people on their journeys to reconcile their "old" and "new" selves after experiencing serious accidents, illnesses, and other "bolts from the blue." I've provided services in palliative care, and feel comfortable speaking openly about and supporting people in issues related to death and dying.

Finally, I've experienced my own challenges and risks in life that have shaped and taught me. The learning process is never-ending. What I offer to you is the perspective of a trained therapist as well as an imperfect human being who is herself taking risks towards achieving greater balance in life, and who is -- like all of us -- a work in progress.

If you read on and think you might be interested in working together, I'd be happy to start with a phone conversation or a couple of back-and-forths via e-mail to learn more about what you are looking for related to your life and psychotherapy, and whether my work may be a good fit.

Sincerely,
Ruth Q. Leibowitz, Ph.D.
503-927-5714

Welcome to the World

Welcome to the World
It would be wonderful if each of us had access to perfect mentors when we arrived in the world. These masterful people would teach us us how to face adversity with skill and aplomb, and how to heal ourselves from the inside out when we are badly hurt. They would show us how to respect ourselves even if we have been violated by others, and how to be compassionate to others even when we ourselves are feeling wounded. They would demonstrate by shining example how to maintain hope and equanimity even in the face of war, disaster, climate change, and political chaos.

Perhaps there is someone in the world who has come across these perfect teachers just when they have been needed. However, I have yet to meet that person! Most of us (myself included) stumble around for many years before we find these teachers outside of and within ourselves. The skills of living must be learned stone by stone, wave by wave, thread by thread. As long as we are still breathing, it is not too late to develop skills and passion for living.

Psychotherapy alone is certainly not the answer to human suffering. However, it can be a meaningful ingredient of a life well lived. In my work with clients, I do the best I can to share what I've learned about mind, body, and spirit to be of help to you on your unique journey.

The Work in a Nutshell

The mind and body form a system that remains open to learning new ways of being and living as long as we live. Physical challenges (like chronic pain) and trauma (like combat, assault, abuse, neglect, or sudden loss of a loved one) can seem to change a person's life forever. Questions like "Why me?" and "Who am I now that my life has changed?" are normal and natural. Yet trauma is not the end of life -- it can also be a door or a pathway to a life that is profoundly changed, and also very rich and meaningful.

I work collaboratively with you to promote deeper connections between the mind and body, to affirm a life that is worth living no matter what losses you have experienced. I especially enjoy working with people who find themselves ready to experience more joy and connection in life, yet want some assistance in figuring out how to move in that direction.

I combine several approaches to match clients' needs and interests: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), Somatic Experiencing (SE; a mind-body approach to trauma), and "parts" or shadow work. Most recently, I have added self-compassion to the "brew." Information on these is described to the right, and also on the following websites:

For ACT: https://www.contextualpsychology.org/
For SE: http://www.traumahealing.com/
For CBT: http://www.aabt.org/
For self-compassion:
www.self-compassion.org and www.mindfulselfcompassion.org
For IFS:
http://www.ifs-institute.com/


Getting started: I am open to doing a one-time low-fee consultation for clients who would like to meet once without any evaluation or therapy to simply get a sense of whether what I offer might be a good fit for you. A free telephone consultation of up to 15 minutes is also possible if you'd like to ask questions and/or tell me a bit about what you are looking for in a therapy experience.

Psychotherapy sessions covered by insurance: If I am on your insurance company's panel your payment responsibility is only your copayment or deductible if you have one. I am on the panels of Aetna, Blue Cross-Blue Shield (Regence), First Choice, First Health, Moda, Pacific Source, and Medicare Part B.

Psychotherapy sessions not covered by insurance: When I am not on your insurance panel, charges are as follows: Intake - $260; 45-50 min. session: $175; 55-60 minute session: $185; 85-min session $225. If your insurance provides some coverage for out of network providers, I can provide monthly receipts that you can submit to them for reimbursement.

Coaching and Tai Chi Sessions: This work does not constitute psychotherapy and is thus not billable to or payable by insurance. If you are a veteran located in any of the western states, Tai Chi/Qigong may be available to you as part of your VA healthcare through Tricare West. If so, please contact me for information on this special program.

Self-compassion and a Cat Named Bromley


Self-compassion is something we often lack in the modern, western world, where individuality and achievement are considered so important.  Many of us grow up, and grow older, with the deeply held belief that in order to be loveable, valuable, and worthwhile as human beings we must be better than average (in at least a few areas, and sometimes in all!).  This places us in an impossible situation, since by definition of the word "average," it is not possible for most people to be better than average! We have a choice then about which internal voices to cultivate most strongly-- the voices that tell us we're no good because we are imperfect, ordinary, or even less than average in some ways -- or the voices that offer comfort, friendliness, and acceptance even with our imperfections.

I think of the affection I feel for my cat Bromley, who I  adopted from the Oregon Humane Society about three weeks ago.  He has experienced worse luck than average, having been "dumped" at the Humane Society with no note to let anyone know about why he was deserted by his previous human companion(s).   At the shelter, he was so traumatized that he would not eat anything and needed to be force-fed.  He likely survived only because a kind "foster mom" took him into her home, providing a quiet and safe space -- and there he stayed, slowly emerging from his frozen, traumatized state until I met him there.  At our first meeting, he hid inside a cat bed and would not look at me, so I had only the word of the foster mom that he had any ability to connect at all.

Bromley is thought to be between 10 and 11 years of age, so he is older than average and is more likely to have (expensive) health problems and not grace my life for as long as a younger cat would.  He is shyer than average, so it is taking him a long time to make his way out of the closet I set up for him with a comfortable blanket and cat bed.  He is average in his appearance -- a typical-looking orange tabby.  I could have adopted a cat who was younger, could relate to me more quickly, and was more physically beautiful and decorative.  Yet... here is Bromley, who is worthy of a forever home not because he is above average, but because he is a sentient, living being who has been abandoned and is deserving of kindness.

If I were to try to cajole or force Bromley out of the closet, that would only activate his fight-flight system and he would stay inside longer, or even come to fear me.  So what I do is speak to him calmly, invite him with my tone of voice, and my energy to expand his world. I provide him with fresh water, nourishment, a large box of kitty litter, places to climb, and a window to look out of.  I incline toward him with caring, gentleness, and friendly intentions. 

This is how it is to begin to practice self-compassion.  We can consider the possibility that we are worthy of love, care, and safety regardless of our worldly achievements, regardless of whether we are above or below average in a given trait, and regardless of what difficult things we have heard about ourselves or experienced when growing up.  We can incline toward ourselves with caring, gentleness, and friendly intentions.  We can invite a sense of safety and connection.  We cannot force the feeling of safety and well-being, however, we can invite it with practices such as comforting self-touch, gentle words towards ourselves, and lovingkindness meditation focused on the self.

Intention is a large part of an expanded sense of safety and loving, yet more than intention is needed.  For Bromley. my providing him with practical things -- like soft blankets in the closet and the offerings of fresh food and water - are three-dimensional acts of care that set the basic conditions for comfort and safety and back up my intentions with actions.  So it is with nurturing ourselves.  In addition to inclining toward ourselves with goodwill, we can also set some real-world conditions of self-care.  This real-world component will look different for each of us.  For example, for one person it might look like adding a new activity to the schedule that is pleasurable or interesting, while for another it might mean setting aside an activity or two in favor of more rest and unstructured time.

Bromley is responding to both the kind intentions and the real-world actions by spending a little more time out of the closet every day in my presence.  In the last couple of days, he has even sat next to me, touched noses, and allowed me to stroke his belly. His inherent playfulness is beginning to show itself.  Our journey of positive connection is underway. 

The bigger challenge for me is this:  To what degree can I treat myself with the same patience, and kind regard that I naturally feel for my new feline friend?  This is much more difficult!  Like Bromley, I am not young, and I am somewhat shy -- I don't "shine" socially. I am not above average in appearance and possibly not in any other attribute that is highly valued by my culture. Might I still have the ability to love myself, to sit with myself in friendliness, acceptance, and kind regard?  Sometimes I think it would be more possible to sprout wings and fly.  And yet... as I cultivate skills for self-compassion. I sit with myself sometimes.  I speak to myself kindly and let myself know that I am here even in moments of difficulty.  I let myself know that I am not the only one in the world who suffers inside, who is imperfect, experiences difficulty, and doesn't have all the correct answers.  And like my dear cat Bromley, I begin to experience more safety and spaciousness in my life. Slowly, slowly.

I have been particularly inspired by the work of Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer and took an intensive self-compassion course with them in November of 2013.  If you think you might like to learn how to be more compassionate towards yourself, please see their website for Mindful Self Compassion at: http://www.centerformsc.org/.  They and the teachers they train do both weekly and intensive self-compassion training in different parts of the U.S. and the world.

As I experience the clear benefits of self-compassion practice in my own life, I have become inspired to share the practices learned from Germer and Neff (as well as others) with people in my local community.  In that spirit, I've begun developing and teaching self-compassion skills in the Portland area.  If you are interested in future group or individual self-compassion work, please let me know via e-mail at beautifulwordstogether@gmail.com.

May you be happy, and healthy, and accompany yourself with kindness.

Ruth


P.S.  Close to a year has passed since I wrote the original post on Bromley.  He long ago emerged from the closet, retreating back to it only when a complete stranger visits.  He curls up by my side every night and is a master producer and bestower of purrs. He touches noses. He bats at the cat dancer from beneath the dining room chairs, and tears through my home, stopping to give me that "look" that invites me to chase him. He has such an excellent appetite it is hard to believe there was ever a time when he refused food. Bromley does not have the natural confidence of a theoretical cat who was blessed with a secure, forever home throughout life -- he will probably always be somewhat bashful and wary of strangers. These qualities are part of who he is -- part of his charm, uniqueness, and loveliness.  When he feels safe, which is almost all the time these days, his kindness and ability to connect shine forth from his beautiful feline eyes. May he continue to be safe from inner and outer harm, healthy and strong, and filled with lovingkindness.



P.P.S. Several years have passed, and Bromley is now 15, with chronic kidney disease. I am doing what I can so that he lives happily as long as possible. We continue to be loving friends for one another, This will likely be his last summer, so I have trained him to walk with a leash and every day we venture outdoors together to experience the warmth and the smell of earth, plants, and other creatures who have left their intriguing scent trails. Today he lay on a pathway outside my front door, stretching out in the sun, orange fur shining and eyes half-closed. He takes in each moment of life's offerings, whether opening to the outdoor sun or sleeping curled into his favorite indoor cat bed. My beloved teacher.



P.P.P.S. In September of 2022, my dear feline companion leaped over the rainbow bridge close to his 17th birthday. He was a wonderful friend, pandemic buddy, teacher, trickster, chair-stealer, treat-guzzler, and all-around loveable and loving being. Over a period of a few days, Bromley seldom moved off the bed and seemed to be losing his balance and focus. He was still interested in food and made use of the litter, but his spirit and curiosity were much diminished. He stopped challenging me for the computer chair. He had waxed and waned for months and each time I became worried that "this was the end" he made a comeback. I had high hopes that his life energy would turn around again. But this time, he seemed to journey a little bit further away every day, and I felt the kindest thing I could do for him though it broke my heart was to let him go. A compassionate vet visited our home. Over the years, Bromley had lost his fear of visitors. He was comfortable with the vet, and accepted his favorite treats from her hand.  My dear Bromley died at home, right next to me on our bed, hearing (for the millionth time) how much I loved him. Our goodbye was sweet and peaceful.
On his final day, I took him outside and he relaxed in the grass - thus, the photograph below. I also gave him lots of treats and napped with him until the veterinarian came by.

My home, and my life, will not be the same without my beloved Bromley, aka Broms, Brom-Brom, Bromerosity, the Brommer. I am so glad I was able to give a cat who was so frightened and lonely when I met him at 10, seven years of safety, love, and even a little bit of adventure. And he gave back so much in return. I am so thankful. Here is a photo of him, enjoying the late summer grass on his very last, sweet day in the world.



I will never forget you.


 



The Emergence of Spring and Summer

Many readers will know the myth involving the earth goddess Demeter and her daughter Persephone.  In this ancient story, young Persephone is "kidnapped" by Hades, the king of the underworld.  Demeter is mad with grief over the loss of her beloved daughter.  With Persephone  trapped in the underworld, spring cannot occur and the earth becomes barren.  A "deal" is finally made between the Demeter and Hades by which Persephone lives in the underworld part of the year, and comes back above for the other part -- thus allowing for the seasons of death and regeneration. 

Many years ago I took a mask workshop in which each participant was asked to "take on" the role of one of the characters of this myth.  In particular, we were instructed to choose a character with whom we found it difficult to identify.  I was young then, and it was easiest for me to identify with the daughter Persephone. The mother Demeter was less similar, yet like me she was a woman who was very much attached to living things.  That left Hades, the king of the underworld.  I chose to be him for a while. I put on a mask that reminded me of darkness and death, went out onto the mask maker's property, and began to learn about myself.  As I did this work, the importance of the underworld became more and more evident.  After all, there could be no true appreciation of the bounties of spring and summer were it not for the decline of autumn into winter. The underworld was where shadows dwelled -- shadows that lived inside people, even if they didn't want to own them.  Again, there was no real light without the possibility also of darkness.  Finally, I thought, Persephone had started out as a "nice" girl, but one who was somewhat dorky and naive before she met me. After spending time in the underworld, she became a much more complex human being -- capable of living in darkness as well as light, appreciative of the many facets of reality.  In fact, she came to have an appreciation of the underworld, and felt some sadness at leaving my domain each year. 

Back in the role of an ordinary human being and many years later, I do appreciate the beautiful flowers in their full glory visible all over my neighborhood, vibrant greens of every type of leaf, fiddleheads unfurling into great ferns.  I walk forward into spring and summer with gladness for the longer hours of sunlight, and wamer air against my skin.  Yet, like Persephone, I have experienced a darker time and place that had its value, too.  I note in myself a sense of bittersweetness for the lost winter even while welcoming the warm light.

Poetry of the Soul

A poem well written is able to echo the human heart in its deepest places. Thus, every so often I'll post a poem on this site that has touched me, and that I hope will touch you as well. Poems that have previously appeared in this space will be saved and you can read them below.

I first found this beautiful poem by Naomi Shihab Nye in a book on kindness by Sharon Salzberg. I was in the bookstore at a retreat center at the time, and the book seemed to call to me to take it off the shelf. I opened up and here was this poem -- I stood weeping in the aisle of the store, feeling as if these words had welcomed me home...

Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you hold in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know how desolate the landscape can be between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out of the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
has died by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
Catches the thread of all sorrows
And you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

Naomi Shihab Nye


Previous featured poetry

Poem #1. I have loved this poem by Denise Levertov for many years. Grief is something that none of us choose initially. Yet, it is a natural and normal response to deep loss, which is part of the human condition. In this poem, grief is portrayed as an experience that deserves its own place in the self's home.

Talking to Grief

Ah, grief, I should not treat you
like a homeless dog
who comes to the back door
for a crust, for a meatless bone.

I should trust you.

I should coax you
into the house and give you
your own corner,
a worn mat to lie on,
your own water dish.

You think I don’t know you’ve been living
under my porch.

You long for your real place to be readied
before winter comes. You need
your name,
your collar and tag. You need
the right to warn off intruders,
to consider
my house your own
and me your person
and yourself
my own dog.

-- Denise Levertov

Poem #2. This poem by the Sufi poet Rumi is the second to appear in the space of this blog. It touches me in the honoring of the light that is shed by darkness. Often we learn that the "dark" aspects of life are to be rejected and pushed away. Yet, whether we wish them to be part of us or not -- there they are. Given that we can't ever completely extinguish them, perhaps there are ways to hold and live with them honestly and gracefully, while at the same time honoring our deepest values. "No matter how fast you run, your shadow keeps up." "What hurts you blesses you." These are lines that invite contemplation. What are ways in which your darkest, most difficult experiences, have shed light upon you as a person, or on the nature of being a human being in a complex world? In what ways might the shadow that keeps up with you also remind you about what is most important in your life?

Shadow and Light Source Both

How does a part of the world leave the world?
How does wetness leave water?
Don't try to put out fire by throwing on more fire! Don't
wash a wound with blood. No matter how fast
you run, your shadow keeps up. Sometimes it's
in front! Only full overhead sun diminishes
your shadow. But that shadow has been serving
you. What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is
your candle. Your boundaries are your quest.

I could explain this, but it will break the
glass cover on your heart, and there's no
fixing that. You must have shadow and light
source both. Listen, and lay your head under
the tree of awe. When from that tree feathers
and wings sprout on you, be quieter than
a dove. Don't even open your moth for even a coo.

Rumi